Holocaust Poem of the Day: Painfully Numb

“Sometimes I think that my front door is about to open and you will come storming through, and then I am depressed because it was all just a fantasy.” – Hertha Feiner

The Snow flowed

across broken stones,

churning above the rails

with every turning wheel.

Nail heads tore at

the soles of her shoes

as she was slowly

pushed up the ramp.

She was the last to

walk through

the cattle car doors.

Winter drifts jolted the car

around every turn –

she remained on her feet;

one of the few who could stand.

Gripped in her chapped

palm, the pill began to

dissolve in labored sweat.

Thoughts of her daughters

slowed her lips but her

tongue refused to mourn.

With disturbing comfort,

the pill slipped down her throat.

Before the last bitter breath

massaged her lungs,

she regretted not writing

one more letter.

The capsule exploded like

a shattered fountain pen.

As flakes of ice and ash swirled

in the breaths of parched whispers,

Mütterlein lay confined in

sleep’s final iron embrace.

About Hertha Feiner

Hertha Feiner was a divorced (from a gentile) mother of two daughters, Inge and Marion. She was a teacher in a Jewish day school in Berlin before the Nazi’s came to power and taught until she was forced to work elsewhere (she was later assigned by the SS to type the deportation lists). Feiner’s passion was teaching her students but her love was for her daughters whom she had sent to boarding school in Gland, Switzerland (Les Reyons) to save them from the Nazi’s inevitable atrocities. Hertha wrote to her daughters as frequently as she could – many of these letters were collected in the book Before Deportation: Letters from a Mother to Her Daughters: January 1939 – December 1942 (Northwestern University Press: Evanston (IL), 1999). Feiner committed suicide while on a train making its way to Auschwitz.

Holocaust Poem of the Day: A Final Lesson

“Oh, if only everything were different! Your chairs here are always empty; will we ever again sit at our table together, having a cozy talk.” – Hertha Feiner

Feiner’s words rang in their ears—

informing them of her departure.

The children knew what

her shallow breaths meant.

Her students latched to her side

tighter than her own children—

her limbs numbed by their grasp.

She wrote to her daughters—

her train would soon be leaving;

but that was all she said.

Hertha wanted their memories to be

of a mother’s strength and embrace;

branded thoughts of their final visit

before gray rain began to fall.

About Hertha Feiner

Hertha Feiner was a divorced (from a gentile) mother of two daughters, Inge and Marion. She was a teacher in a Jewish day school in Berlin before the Nazi’s came to power and taught until she was forced to work elsewhere (she was later assigned by the SS to type the deportation lists). Feiner’s passion was teaching her students but her love was for her daughters whom she had sent to boarding school in Gland, Switzerland (Les Reyons) to save them from the Nazi’s inevitable atrocities. Hertha wrote to her daughters as frequently as she could – many of these letters were collected in the book Before Deportation: Letters from a Mother to Her Daughters: January 1939 – December 1942 (Northwestern University Press: Evanston (IL), 1999). Feiner committed suicide while on a train making its way to Auschwitz.

Holocaust Poem of the Day: A Night Without a Letter

“I’m unhappy about many things, but more than anything it hurts to hear so rarely from you. True, people have come between us, but in spite of everything, we must not lose touch. Let’s talk to one another again, the way we used to…” – Hertha Feiner

Hertha was meshugga le-davar

over her daughters. She softly

squeezed the patch on her dress

sewn by Inge and Marion.

Hertha had not been able to sleep

for what seemed like decades.

In the silhouette of body and bed,

muzzle flashes echoed – piercing

light across the divided city.

With singeing heat of darkness

and her vision blurred from tears,

she could no longer find their

faces on the back of her eye lids.

Shuddered from slumber,

her eyes were burdened by

the fragments of fractured night.

The stars shined bright

in the powerless night but upon

the breath of the sun they dimmed

to sparks of their former brilliance…

darkness in a Nazi city.

Like Moses gazing across the river

to the Promised Land, Hertha knew

she would not be a part

of her children’s future—

Mutti could no longer be their guide.

About Hertha Feiner

Hertha Feiner was a divorced (from a gentile) mother of two daughters, Inge and Marion. She was a teacher in a Jewish day school in Berlin before the Nazi’s came to power and taught until she was forced to work elsewhere (she was later assigned by the SS to type the deportation lists). Feiner’s passion was teaching her students but her love was for her daughters whom she had sent to boarding school in Gland, Switzerland (Les Reyons) to save them from the Nazi’s inevitable atrocities. Hertha wrote to her daughters as frequently as she could – many of these letters were collected in the book Before Deportation: Letters from a Mother to Her Daughters: January 1939 – December 1942 (Northwestern University Press: Evanston (IL), 1999). Feiner committed suicide while on a train making its way to Auschwitz.

Holocaust Poem of the Day: Remorse

“My one consolation is to know that you have a nice home and are happy, healthy, and content. I have never had many material possessions, but I know how infinitely rich I am because I have you and your love—and you have my undying mother’s love.” – Hertha Feiner

In the morning,

Hertha could hear

passionate murmurs

of the Mourner’s Kaddish

from friends, neighbors,

and half-familiar faces.

It was the only conversation

they would have that morning.

The daily sorrow of life

knew no Saturday rest—

breaking Sabbath law

burdened her leaded steps.

Hertha wept whenever

she remembered the

stillness and silence

of her memory’s Shabbat.

The Holiness of the day

remained hidden

under gunfire and

moans of the dying.

About Hertha Feiner

Hertha Feiner was a divorced (from a gentile) mother of two daughters, Inge and Marion. She was a teacher in a Jewish day school in Berlin before the Nazi’s came to power and taught until she was forced to work elsewhere (she was later assigned by the SS to type the deportation lists). Feiner’s passion was teaching her students but her love was for her daughters whom she had sent to boarding school in Gland, Switzerland (Les Reyons) to save them from the Nazi’s inevitable atrocities. Hertha wrote to her daughters as frequently as she could – many of these letters were collected in the book Before Deportation: Letters from a Mother to Her Daughters: January 1939 – December 1942 (Northwestern University Press: Evanston (IL), 1999). Feiner committed suicide while on a train making its way to Auschwitz.

Holocaust Poem of the Day: Working for a New Berlin

“We are going through a very grave period here. This time Walter Matzdorff and many of my pupils are on the list [for deportation to Riga]. I have to work hard and try to help as many people as possible.’ – Hertha Feiner

The keys slowly clacked like a train

rolling on frost-bitten tracks.

Her eyes squinted to read another

list of names. Her lips repeated

the columns like prayers. Her touch

embossed the brittle pages.

Friends, neighbors, and room-mates

shackled from past and present

grazed the teacher’s fingertips.

Hertha penned the pages,

their sentences announced

in the streets of Old Berlin;

she believed it was her

script that put them on the trains.

This labor kept her alive.

This is the job Mutti rarely

revealed to her daughters.

About Hertha Feiner

Hertha Feiner was a divorced (from a gentile) mother of two daughters, Inge and Marion. She was a teacher in a Jewish day school in Berlin before the Nazi’s came to power and taught until she was forced to work elsewhere (she was later assigned by the SS to type the deportation lists). Feiner’s passion was teaching her students but her love was for her daughters whom she had sent to boarding school in Gland, Switzerland (Les Reyons) to save them from the Nazi’s inevitable atrocities. Hertha wrote to her daughters as frequently as she could – many of these letters were collected in the book Before Deportation: Letters from a Mother to Her Daughters: January 1939 – December 1942 (Northwestern University Press: Evanston (IL), 1999). Feiner committed suicide while on a train making its way to Auschwitz.

Holocaust Poem of the Day: A New Daily Routine

“Our circle of friends is slowly getting smaller. Your former teacher Mr. Neufeld died; he committed suicide. In recent weeks he looked so terrible, you would scarcely have recognized him… Oh, if only things would change soon!” – Hertha Feiner

Absent of a single school bell rung,

the monotony of seasons passed

without a change in her routine.

Every morning, Hertha had to

convince herself to walk to work.

In the morning sun’s yellow-orange

bleach she would pass road signs to

a city she no longer knew – an alien city.

The wind chime hung still

in the clinging August air.

Buildings lay in piles

like large ant hills.

Dust swirled from cracks in a jar

cradled in the rubble.

Just before the crest

of afternoon hours,

Hertha abandoned her new job

so she could try to recapture

the feeling she used to have

as she watched her students

in the school yard after lunch.

This, too, was shattered

into fragmented memory

when Hertha saw a rigid

man on the creased concrete.

His liquid light wove a web

across the sidewalk, his body

lay inert, silent at pedestrian feet.

The congealed pool reflected

the solar furnace, its fire burning

this image of extinguished life

into Hertha’s swollen eyes.

Hertha realized— her only daily

decisions were hope and despair.

Seated at her desk, she

continued to emboss her

assigned pages of the Nazi script.

Her new life had her sentencing

her students to the permanence

of SS lists— she saw

her daughter’s faces

in each name she typed.

Lamps and candles slowly began

to glow as dusk arrested day.

Not an hour had passed before

the veiled sky fell. Falling

through ashen clouds,

the rain was no longer pure.

The polluted rain pierced

the charcoal night

that writhed in silent pain.

The soot stained drops

erased nothing but the future.

About Hertha Feiner

Hertha Feiner was a divorced (from a gentile) mother of two daughters, Inge and Marion. She was a teacher in a Jewish day school in Berlin before the Nazi’s came to power and taught until she was forced to work elsewhere (she was later assigned by the SS to type the deportation lists). Feiner’s passion was teaching her students but her love was for her daughters whom she had sent to boarding school in Gland, Switzerland (Les Reyons) to save them from the Nazi’s inevitable atrocities. Hertha wrote to her daughters as frequently as she could – many of these letters were collected in the book Before Deportation: Letters from a Mother to Her Daughters: January 1939 – December 1942 (Northwestern University Press: Evanston (IL), 1999). Feiner committed suicide while on a train making its way to Auschwitz.

Holocaust Poem of the Day: Walking to Work Monday Morning

“I am sad not to be with my schoolchildren anymore, even more so because they now have a teacher who is over sixty and does not like teaching. I didn’t even say good-bye to the children, since I was dismissed on Sunday and my new work began on Monday at 7:00 A.M.” – Hertha Feiner

Her lips lay level,

the corners of her mouth

tilted toward the ground.

Wet hair glazed her face

as sweat and snow

froze her expression.

She had seen the last

of her students and her

bloodshot eyes squinted

with every prick

from crystallized tears.

All of her lessons

would now be in letters

to her daughters.

But, later, she would

once again decide

who passes,

who stays,

who will

continue

learning.

About Hertha Feiner

Hertha Feiner was a divorced (from a gentile) mother of two daughters, Inge and Marion. She was a teacher in a Jewish day school in Berlin before the Nazi’s came to power and taught until she was forced to work elsewhere (she was later assigned by the SS to type the deportation lists). Feiner’s passion was teaching her students but her love was for her daughters whom she had sent to boarding school in Gland, Switzerland (Les Reyons) to save them from the Nazi’s inevitable atrocities. Hertha wrote to her daughters as frequently as she could – many of these letters were collected in the book Before Deportation: Letters from a Mother to Her Daughters: January 1939 – December 1942 (Northwestern University Press: Evanston (IL), 1999). Feiner committed suicide while on a train making its way to Auschwitz.

Holocaust Poem of the Day: Mailing Letters

“I’m gradually getting used to this different way of life. Today I had a good rest, and that makes the world look a little rosier.” – Hertha Feiner

Hertha walked swiftly

to the post office, eyes

tracing the trickle of the gutter.

The dogs that devoured

Jezebel were now trained

and prodded to attack

those who did not comply—

the city, in SS eyes,

now the open field.

Sparks of scraping shovels

singed her bare legs as her

shoes soaked in gray slush.

Spilled grammar tests

woven like inked marble

in six-foot drifts.

She never had time

to pass them back.

The corner of the stamp

flapped in the breeze

of a slamming door.

Finally, the envelope was sealed;

its contents, stamped by the censors,

had passed inspection.

About Hertha Feiner

Hertha Feiner was a divorced (from a gentile) mother of two daughters, Inge and Marion. She was a teacher in a Jewish day school in Berlin before the Nazi’s came to power and taught until she was forced to work elsewhere (she was later assigned by the SS to type the deportation lists). Feiner’s passion was teaching her students but her love was for her daughters whom she had sent to boarding school in Gland, Switzerland (Les Reyons) to save them from the Nazi’s inevitable atrocities. Hertha wrote to her daughters as frequently as she could – many of these letters were collected in the book Before Deportation: Letters from a Mother to Her Daughters: January 1939 – December 1942 (Northwestern University Press: Evanston (IL), 1999). Feiner committed suicide while on a train making its way to Auschwitz.

Holocaust Poem of the Day: Time to Think

“We don’t want to believe that the time might come when I would not hear from you or you from me, but as long as we still have the chance, let’s write to each other as often and in as much detail as possible.” – Hertha Feiner

Absence filled the void

where Mutti awaited 

an update from her daughters.

Her memories began to

wander during her brisk

dusk walk back home.

Grass pressed through a crack

only to be stamped against

concrete and bruised

under Hertha’s bare foot.

All Jewish schools in Berlin

lay in rubble; pages scattered

from shredded books.

Her student’s thoughts chipped

with every shovel of snow.

Her new appointment stagnated,

weighted by official neglect;

her lessons left to rust

under worried sweat.

The routine of sleep now tedious

and exhaustion common,

thoughts of her daughters’

peaceful slumber uncoiled

her crippled nerves.

About Hertha Feiner

Hertha Feiner was a divorced (from a gentile) mother of two daughters, Inge and Marion. She was a teacher in a Jewish day school in Berlin before the Nazi’s came to power and taught until she was forced to work elsewhere (she was later assigned by the SS to type the deportation lists). Feiner’s passion was teaching her students but her love was for her daughters whom she had sent to boarding school in Gland, Switzerland (Les Reyons) to save them from the Nazi’s inevitable atrocities. Hertha wrote to her daughters as frequently as she could – many of these letters were collected in the book Before Deportation: Letters from a Mother to Her Daughters: January 1939 – December 1942 (Northwestern University Press: Evanston (IL), 1999). Feiner committed suicide while on a train making its way to Auschwitz.

Holocaust Poem of the Day: Transition

“I am firmly convinced that you would behave quite differently toward me if you knew exactly what the situation here is. I am often very sad and depressed; your letters would be the best remedy for lifting my spirits, but I wait in vain.” – Hertha Feiner

Hertha felt the earth exhale as

Pearl peered from below

her black hair and asked,

“Ms. Feiner, why does God hate us?

Why does God want us to die?”

Feiner was furious— pierced

with obsidian sorrow and

hatred of ones who programmed

Pearl’s life and had shaped

the little girl’s doubts of God.

She never knew propaganda

could have this effect.

Hertha broadly inhaled settling

chalk dust and composed

her quivering voice,

“God wants you to taste every

moment and let it linger

on your tongue. Your kaddish

will not be recited until

years after I have passed.”

A cynical grin seized the young

girl’s porcelain cheeks.

Before her students were set free

for the day, Hertha whispered

to the class from below

her hidden tears,

“That is the only lesson

I wish you would never abandon.

Never forget what I have just said.”

About Hertha Feiner

Hertha Feiner was a divorced (from a gentile) mother of two daughters, Inge and Marion. She was a teacher in a Jewish day school in Berlin before the Nazi’s came to power and taught until she was forced to work elsewhere (she was later assigned by the SS to type the deportation lists). Feiner’s passion was teaching her students but her love was for her daughters whom she had sent to boarding school in Gland, Switzerland (Les Reyons) to save them from the Nazi’s inevitable atrocities. Hertha wrote to her daughters as frequently as she could – many of these letters were collected in the book Before Deportation: Letters from a Mother to Her Daughters: January 1939 – December 1942 (Northwestern University Press: Evanston (IL), 1999). Feiner committed suicide while on a train making its way to Auschwitz.

Holocaust Poem of the Day: Summer Vacation

“Our vacation starts on Friday, and you can imagine how sad I am that you’re not going to be here… And I will probably have to stay here since I don’t know where else to go. Maybe I’ll still find something.” – Hertha Feiner

The students sat still

in their seats staring

at the window as summer

steamed the glass.

The students had been

grated over the year

with a decade’s worth

of fervor. Their naivety

in chains, they no longer

had the freedom

of childhood— their thoughts

deliberately dictated

in weathered voices.

Thunder growled

like a guard dog—

their feet shuddered

without hesitation.

The year was consumed;

they feared the

repercussions of the

charred summer.

Feiner had no lessons that

would prepare the children.

About Hertha Feiner

Hertha Feiner was a divorced (from a gentile) mother of two daughters, Inge and Marion. She was a teacher in a Jewish day school in Berlin before the Nazi’s came to power and taught until she was forced to work elsewhere (she was later assigned by the SS to type the deportation lists). Feiner’s passion was teaching her students but her love was for her daughters whom she had sent to boarding school in Gland, Switzerland (Les Reyons) to save them from the Nazi’s inevitable atrocities. Hertha wrote to her daughters as frequently as she could – many of these letters were collected in the book Before Deportation: Letters from a Mother to Her Daughters: January 1939 – December 1942 (Northwestern University Press: Evanston (IL), 1999). Feiner committed suicide while on a train making its way to Auschwitz.

Holocaust Poem of the Day: The Visit: July 1939

“I’m so glad that you like being there, in a peaceful environment that makes studying fun. If I could only get a glimpse of you!” – Hertha Feiner

Pen and paper lay

abandoned, books

remained stacked

across the shelves.

No letters or lessons

for three weeks.

Berlin wilted in a sweltering

summer slumber; Germany

set its war clock for two months.

Inge and Marion were

passengers on the train

from Switzerland –

their mother waited.

Hours passed until time

arrested with the hiss

of the arriving train

As her schoolchildren

were paroled from studies,

Hertha embraced her

daughters in the belly

of the whale – smoke filled

their lungs before the purge.

All decrees forgotten;

laws twisted and bruised;

religions, countries,

and politics refused

to divide. Life was

basic in the love of a

mother and her daughters.

About Hertha Feiner

Hertha Feiner was a divorced (from a gentile) mother of two daughters, Inge and Marion. She was a teacher in a Jewish day school in Berlin before the Nazi’s came to power and taught until she was forced to work elsewhere (she was later assigned by the SS to type the deportation lists). Feiner’s passion was teaching her students but her love was for her daughters whom she had sent to boarding school in Gland, Switzerland (Les Reyons) to save them from the Nazi’s inevitable atrocities. Hertha wrote to her daughters as frequently as she could – many of these letters were collected in the book Before Deportation: Letters from a Mother to Her Daughters: January 1939 – December 1942 (Northwestern University Press: Evanston (IL), 1999). Feiner committed suicide while on a train making its way to Auschwitz.